(From Aidan Blog, 29 October 2009)
Somebody forwarded this email to me earlier today (subject: “untuk menceriakan hari anda”). This email is supposed to be written by a high-ranking government officer in charge of international protocol in an unspecified ministry.
With refer to the above mention.
2. For your information, [redacted] is making preparation on receiving your delegation from [redacted]. It would be grateful if you could insist me on providing the following information:
i) Confirmed delegation name that will be arriving in Malaysia;
ii) Any special dietary among the delegation so we could make special arrangement on food and beverages;
iii) Contact person of the secretariat that could be reach in Malaysia; and
iv) Car/ MPV plate number for parking purposes.
3. Kindly revert back to me by today for immediate action and if there’s any inquiries, please do not hesitate to call the below signage.
Thank you & Salam mesra
Oh my god. I don’t even know where to start.
“With refer to the above mention” ??????? mana belajar English ni? Nigeria ke?
“It would be grateful if you could insist me on providing the following information”. It would be great, not “grateful”, if you could string words together better than a four year old. “if you could insist me…”???? Damn…”assist” lah bahlul
“Confirmed delegation name…”. The name of the delegation or the names of the members of the delegation? Sounds like the first one, since “name” is in singular.
“Any special dietary among the delegation…”. A minor point, but i would put “requirements” after “dietary”.
“Car/ MPV plate number”. Again, no big deal, but it is better to use “registration number” when referring to the number on the car plate, especially for international correspondence.
“please do not hesitate to call the below signage“ MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA…this, i tell you, is a great MONEY SHOT. Just when you think it couldn’t be worse, then along comes “below signage“….HADUII WAKAKAKKAKAA apsal tak signpost atau signboard, ke alang2 tu sign language terus…MAK AIII WEKEKEKKEKEKEE…what a glorious ending to an epic failure.
I know it’s lowbrow to pick on grammar, but seriously people, if you are representing the GOVERNMENT OF MALAYSIA and you are in charge of INTERNATIONAL PROTOCOL, writing an official letter to a FOREIGN GOVERNMENT, at least try to write a fucking letter that doesn’t look like it is written by an idiot.
Adeh….camne la boleh jadi in charge international protocol nih…mesti kuat kipas udang buntut bos nih. Hadui takkan la basic competency in English dah tak jadi requirement untuk berurusan dengan kerajaan luar. Buat malu jer, hishhh…
I hereby offer my service to representatives of ministries, government agencies, and statutory bodies in Malaysia: to proofread and edit your letters for international correspondence, before you seal the envelope or click “Send” and further embarass the Malaysian Government. It would take me 10 minutes, 15 minutes tops, to read your letter and suggest changes. I won’t guarantee the letter will be perfect, but at least it won’t sound retarded. Price negotiable. If interested, please contact the BELOW SIGNAGE, or if you prefer, the undersigned.