(I am talking about Muslims specifically, so “pious” here refers to Islamic piety).
I am not an expert of being pious, but I think I can speak from experience about things which people think they will be more pious by doing them, but actually not so. I am not talking about the minor good deeds, e.g., giving Salam, donating a small amount to charity; if one believes in the notion of Divine Retribution, then no good deed is minor. They are just “minor” in the sense that it takes less time, effort and resources to perform compared to the major good deeds (setting up a medical camp in Somalia, for example). In any case, I am not talking about these things. Good deeds are good deeds regardless of size.
I’d like to talk about minutiae, small things which people think are ‘pious’ things to do, to the point where they look down on people who does not do them. These acts have no basis in the religion, but perpetuated as good deeds by pea-brained idiots who have nothing better to do.
1. Using proper spelling in chatroom, SMS, or for that matter blog posts.
Please, PLEASE, for the love of God, let people who write “Salamz, Slm, Askm, A’kum, Askum, Slmz,” alone.
Tak payah ler nak cakap “enta ni, lebih baik kalau tulis Assalamualaykum”. There is zero difference between writing “A’kum” and “Assalamualaikum”. Don’t waste time telling people that “Akum” is a bastardization of a proper greeting in Islaam. They are not; they want to give salam, but they do not bother about typing it out fully. THAT’S ALL — it is no sin to abbreviate words in a chatroom. Kalau aku silap, tunjuk kat aku kitab mana, mukasurat berapa.
Dalam bahasa melayu ni, tak ada double vowel “aa” — Islam ke, Islaam ke, Salam ke, Salaam ke, seme orang paham iaitu benda yang sama. Yang buat2 tak paham ialah orang2 yg kononnya nak eja bahasa melayu ikut bahasa arab. Authority for BM is Dewan Bahasa, not pak arab.
Salam ke, A’kum ke, Assalaam ‘Alaykum ke (minah2 balik oversea version), Salamz ke, Askum ke, semua tu sedia maklum ialah ucapan salam, bukan ucapan melaknat. jadi jangan lah buang masa duk tegur “eh tak baik la tulis ‘akum’, itu menghina ucapan dalam islam”. anda ialah mat dan minah kolot.
Lagi hampeh ialah orang yang forward email mengatakan “Akum” bermaksud “anjing bermulut besar” ke hape2 ntah yang direkacipta di makmal minah2 dan mat2 forward email. FWD: FWD: FWD: fwd: fwd: Please write Salaam properly.
(apsal tetiba aku campur aduk english dan BM. mampos pi lah)
2. Bowing your head in front of older people, older members of the family, authority figure, etc. and kissing their hands
I don’t bow to humans, period. I talk to my mother with my back and head straight and I dont “tumpang lalu” and bow politely when walking past my father. I only bow if I want to kiss their hands.
And talking about kissing hands, I only kiss my parents’ hands. Orang lain, hebat camana pon, aku tak cium tangan. That is a special treatment reserved for my parents only (and a few favorite aunts and uncles). Orang lain sori. I don’t show respect by smearing my saliva on other people’s back of hand (your lip is wet because you licked it).
When I organized programs with majority malay participants, in the end the male students always came and shook my hands, and MANY of them kissed the back of my hand. Yes, students came and slobbered on my hand. What am I, Don Corleone? It’s disgusting. It is not a gesture of respect if you have to wash your hands afterwards.
I don’t even like people rubbing their forehead on the back of my hand, which many students do. Bersopan santun my ass. Kitab mana ada tulis. Foreheads are sweaty and disgusting, although less so then kisses.
A proper way to shake hands is to use one hand only (the right hand). Tak payah salam dua belah tangan macam artis bersalam dalam program malam raya. Make a firm grip. No need to nod your head or bow down. I have shook hands with Mahathir and Pak Lah and Anwar Ibrahim, and I am proud to say I accepted their handshake with a straight back and a straight neck. Hanya pencacai je salam cium tangan. adakah anda pencacai
3. Use “Muhammad” rather than “Mohd” or “Muhd”
This is the stupidest of all. Ada orang yang kata (email forward), sapa nama Mohd kena tukar kerana “Mohd” bermaksud “anjing bermulut besar” (ini direkacipta di makmal mat2 dan minah2 fwd).
Muhammad, Mohamad, Mohammed, Muhammed, Muhamad, Mohamed, Mouhammad, Mehmet (Turki), Moxamed (Afrika) dan juga “Mohd.”, “Muhd.”, “Md.” dan kalau malas sekali “M.” sekalipon adalah merujuk kepada nama yang sama. anjing bermulut besar kepala hotak anda.
Orang yang membuat isu2 sebegini mempunyai otak sebesar buah keranji. Sebab itu tak fikir isu2 lain yang lebih penting (ekonomi, pendidikan, sosial) kerana sibuk memanjangkan nama anak. Apesal isu ni baru timbul selepas berjuta2 budak bernama “Mohd” dilahirkan? adakah kerana mendapat pencahayaan agung?
4. Menggunakan ana enta
Ana enta, taik unta. Speak Malay or speak Arabic and stick to it. Jangan cacamarba macam entry aku ni, kejap BM kejap english.
There is no piety in using borrowed Arabic, if you dont actually speak arabic. setakat guna ana enta, yahudi arab pon guna ana enta, bang.
I only use “ko/aku” with male friends, “saya/awak” for female friends (except very familiar ones, for which i use “ko/aku” also), “saya/encik” or “saya/puan” for business dealings.