I find it amusing when I see someone get upset and his face become sullen when he learns that someone is talking bad behind his back.
This shows that the person still has not accepted his weaknesses, and still think that the world should have high opinion of him for…for what? Apparently for doing nothing.
The world doesn’t owe you anything, you bluenose. People can say anything they like about you, and being deprived creatures that we are, we like to say bad things about people more than we do good things.
Me? I don’t really care what people say about me. I have grown out of the phase where I want people to have good opinion of me all the time. This attitude is juvenile, not to mention regressive as it doesn’t let me do unpopular things lest people will “talk behind my back”.
What is this childish obsession about wanting to know what transpires behind your back? I think it is silly. I don’t care if everyone talks bad about me all the time behind my back (which is not the case because I am not that bad, but I know people who are). Nothing that happens behind my back has any bearing whatsoever on my happiness or lack thereof.
At this point, I know exactly what bad things people are saying about me behind my back, even by the so-called good friends. It’s not hard to look at yourself in the mirror and count the ways you can be criticized — what you need is only a brutal dose of honesty. Criticisms are healthy, and they keep relationships honest and unpretentious. I don’t want my friends to talk good about me all the time. It won’t be much of a friendship isn’t it? Not to mention it would be a boring world if we all just talk sunshine and rainbows about our friends. Gossips and mild criticisms are not going to break anyone so why not have some fun.
Yes, I talk bad about you behind my back. Yes, you. But I do it not out of malice, but out of familiarity, camaraderie and — surprise surprise — endearment. Yes sir, I like you, that’s why I don’t feel the need to hold back when I’m talking about you behind your back. I’d just assume you are doing the same thing behind my back. It’s all in good fun, and no one’s gonna get hurt.
I don’t understand the Melayu obsession with mengumpat, as if it is somehow more serious than real evils like cheating people and taking bribes. Of course mengumpat can be a big deal, if someone’s well-being is jeopardized (not just getting his feeling hurt). But that rarely happens.
This overly-cautious oral tiptoeing when talking about people so that you can avoid “mengumpat”, this is no fun at all. It’s a killjoy.
So let me lay it down once and for all: even though you are my good friend, even though you have known me for many years, even though you have gained my trust, love and friendship, even though you are a family member, I am not going to talk about you in glowing terms behind your back all the time. Sometimes I let loose and talk about silly things you did, even call you names or criticize you. That’s the essence of “speaking out my mind”. And you can do likewise to me. No apology needed 🙂
Accept your weaknesses and accept the fact that people like to talk without restrain. Real life is like that. Automatically thinking that everyone around you is decent is just dabbling in fantasy.
Gosh, when will people finally grow up and take off the kid gloves?
Boo-hoo my feeling is hurt…kekeke…pegi mampos.